Transformational Talk ... a column by Penelope Young Andrade
Do You Resist Healthful Choices?
May 06, 2018 -Penelope Y. Andrade
Do you resist healthful choices? I’m not talking about the occasional over indulgence of food/sex/alcohol/recreational drugs; I’m talking about ongoing self-destructive choices you can’t seem to shake…no matter how much finger wagging and self-blame. If this feels familiar, you know first-hand that changing self-destructive patterns requires way more than will power. Healing resistance requires you do something you’ve likely never done– loving and honoring that dug in, defiant part of you.
Here’s the tip: First, look inside to discover how you came to this resistance…you weren’t born this way. Look for all the ways your defiance has helped you survived. See how the child you were once truly wouldn’t have survived without this rebellious behavior. This may be painful. Look for healthy anger about unfair childhood circumstances. Seek support from friends, family or professional counseling. Allow sad, mad, scared feelings to arise and move briefly through your body. Breathe. Look for the warm, relief that follows emotional experience. Feel your wisdom grow as you gain understanding and compassion for your journey.
Next, place your hand on your heart and imagine telling your rebel, “Thank you for your service. I know you’ve kept me alive, but now your knee-jerk resistance is hurting us. It’s time for you, defiant one, to give it a rest…it’s time for a (metaphorical) trip to Hawaii. I know you’ll be here for me if I ever need protection again.”
Notice what happens inside when you say this. Feel your chest expand and spine straighten when insight enables you to reclaim and honor your valiant resistance. This is an essential part of you. It will not be vanquished by judgment and frustration…only love. Only love.