Transformational Talk ... a column by Penelope Young Andrade
Have trouble appreciating your mother?
May 01, 2017 -Penelope Y. Andrade
Do you have trouble appreciating your mother? Appreciation requires recognizing full worth. If you’ve suffered at the hands of a troubled mother, it’s likely been hard enough to forgive let alone appreciate her. What you may not realize is how seeing and valuing mother as a full person, heals and opens your heart in important ways. The challenge is this may require moving through reservoirs of pain and judgment.
Here’s the tip. First, see if you’re ready for this step. If yes, this may be too daunting to do alone. Seek support from loved ones and/or counselors. When safe, drop awareness to your heart to see how you feel toward mother right now. No blame. Allow anger, grief, fear to move briefly through your body. Wait for the relief that ensues.
Once your heart is softening, look inside to see how much you know about mother. Do you know how she’s suffered, how she’s prevailed? If mother’s been circumspect about herself, you may need to interview family and friends who knew her when. If she’s been forthcoming, check to see the impact her words have had ...have they increased your compassion or been blocked by the barriers of your anger and resentment. You may need another dose (or twenty) of emotional medicine...letting more anger, sadness, or fear rip. This is normal...what you’re trying to do is really hard.
Finally, take your time. You may need years to complete this portrait of appreciation. Amazingly enough, each new stroke of insight and recognition of mother’s worth will bring you deeper appreciation for all those around you and for yourself.