Transformational Talk ... a column by Penelope Young Andrade
Are you able to take loved ones’ points of view during upsets?
Feb 11, 2018 -Penelope Y. Andrade
Are you able to take loved ones’ points of view during upsets? Whether spats are with friends, lovers, family…learning to hear and empathize with your beloveds even when furious is a great way to keep love alive. Of course, when you’re hurt and upset; it’s hard to see past your own pain…to their pain, their point of view. In any case, whatever you think are the reasons they did what they did…they would totally disagree.
Here’s the tip. First, acknowledge your hurt. Allow sad, mad, scared feelings to move briefly through your experience (in safe and responsible ways). Find someone who cares to accompany you. This is no time to be alone. (If you have trouble feeling, seek professional support.)
Stop when your body is done. Notice as calm and warmth begin to spread. Ask inside for clarity about what hurts most about this upset. Once you know what you feel and what you need, place your hand on your heart and see if it’s at all possible to consider what your beloved feels and needs. Don’t force this step. Breathe, wait, self soothe until you can put yourself in their shoes without losing touch with yourself.
When ready, share your willingness to listen and see if your beloved can do the same. If yes, be prepared to know, appreciate and love your beloved more deeply than ever imagined. Discover the joy of understanding you never meant to hurt each other…you never knew they felt that way… you are both so sorry. Feel the energy connection between you grow and deepen. This is true love..