Transformational Talk ... a column by Penelope Young Andrade
Letting Go of Responsibility for Your Parents Pain
June 03, 2016 -Penelope Y. Andrade
Can you let go of responsibility for your parents’ pain? It’s normal for children to want to help when parents are hurting. This is true even when the pain isn’t explicitly acknowledged. If this early dynamic hasn’t been repaired, your inner child has likely been too long alone and overwhelmed by feelings too big for your inner youngster to handle. Natural caring may morph into adult anger about having to cope with issues you never asked for… along with a chronic inner pressure to fix others’ problems. The challenge is that these unhealed, childhood experiences may be getting in the way of adult abilities to free yourself and keep your heart open.
Here’s the tip. Reach inside. Let your inner child know it wasn’t fair parental problems landed in your lap! (It’s an unfair, inevitable, inter-generational conundrum for all!) Welcome your healthy anger. Be tender with sad, scared feelings that may also arise. (If anxiety gets too intense, seek professional support.) Stay in your body as emotion moves and subsides. Watch for warm, calm to spread.
Finally, tell your young self, “I love your tender heart and I want you to know fixing parents’ pain is not your job. You are a child. It’s your parents’ soul path to find healing. Let them do it.” Feel shoulders ease as you take in this truth. Whether parents are alive or gone, imagine being present with them in joy, sorrow, beingness…without the barrier of responsibility and anger. This is your birthright. Enjoy