Transformational Talk ... a column by Penelope Young Andrade
Undoing Aloneness During the Holidays
December 01, 2016 -Penelope Y. Andrade
Do you know how to undo aloneness during the holidays? For many the glitter and glow of holidays cast a shadow of unfulfilled hopes in family/and love relationships. With media continually displaying cozy scenes, taking stock of your own situation is often painful. Finding comfort can be a challenge.
Here’s the tip: First, acknowledge your feelings. Tell yourself the truth about any emptiness and/or isolation, even if you think you ‘shouldn’t’ be feeling that way. Second, look pointedly past your ever-present list of family and others who haven’t made you a priority for those who have. Scan your inner list for people who get you, appreciate you, love you. They are there! Reach out to someone on the list to find time soon to be together in person, on the phone, or in a video chat.
Next, take a risk and be vulnerable. Reveal even a little bit of how you are really feeling. Ask your companion how they’re managing holidays. It’s very likely they have their own sore places. Sharing shoulders, hugs and tender listening with each other can provide a soft landing for bruised hearts.
Finally, make sure you are being kind to yourself during these difficult days. If you are shaming, blaming or criticizing yourself, look for the sad, mad, scared feelings that lie beneath. Allow emotion to move briefly through your body. Watch for the relief that always ensues. Focus on the relief and hold yourself tenderly in your own arms until you sense your connection to life return. You are loved.