Finding True Self-Acceptance

Are you struggling to find self-acceptance? Not the ability to fluff your ego up with inner pep talks, but rather the capacity to enjoy that self-acceptance which envelops like an unconditional hug.

For many, at 3AM on a sleepless night, you may encounter a chasm of self-doubt. The challenge is to receive that undoubtedly true view of your flaws as a partial truth…and balance that with a similarly accurate assessment of your strengths. Real self-acceptance requires clear-eyed awareness of the whole of you.

Here’s the tip. First, see whether you’re so stuck in self-criticism you can’t even imagine what’s good about you. If so, it’s likely you’ve got anger at someone close that you’re turning against yourself. Scan your relationships for ones in which there’s a possibility of your unexpressed anger. If acknowledging such anger is difficult for you, you may need professional help. You won’t be able to experience true self-acceptance without your healthy anger.

Second, allow any discovered anger to move briefly, safely (no dumping) through your body. Allow impulses some relief in pretend, imaginal attacks on perpetrators. It’s healthy to also feel guilt and remorse for even fantasy anger. Allow all feelings. Stop when you’re done. Feel the aliveness, the flow, the sense of well-being which follows such deep inner work.

Finally, draw a large heart on a sheet of paper. Divide that heart in half. Ask your own heart to speak to you about both your blemishes and your beauty. List defects on one side, gifts on the other. This is you, as is…good, bad, and ugly…just like every other human being. Breathe a sigh of relief as you rest in the embrace of true self-acceptance.