Keeping Love Alive

Do you know the two words guaranteed to keep love alive in intimate relationships? As Is. ‘As is’ is the secret sauce of enduring love. Once the dazzle of new love fades and you enter the reality phase of relationship, you see your partner warts and all.  It’s sobering to face the truth about the issues you’re now married to, committed to, bought a house with, etc.  If you’re in a real soul match, their wounds will meet, mirror and trigger yours…they’ll be a perfect partner for growth. However, choosing your partner, now, without illusion is a real challenge.

Important caveat: If you discover your person is an abusive, lying, scoundrel…get out. You get to choose which issues you face.

Here’s the tip.  First, realize your chagrin about your partner’s imperfections is a normal phase of lasting love. Remember, they are having the same experience about your issues! Second, allow yourself to be really pissed, sad, and scared about this. What a gyp! You thought they were perfect for you. Let those sad, mad, scared feelings move briefly through your body. Honor your grief…the loss of illusion is hard. Let your body lead. Notice warm relief when emotions subside. Breathe.

Place your hand on your heart. Feel your heart soften and open to the love that drew you together. Take in the truth that your wounds are just as infuriating to them as theirs are for you. Finally, see if you’re ready to include yourself in the profound acceptance of ‘as is’. You are both beautiful, broken, growing beings drawn together to heal and delight each other. All is well…as is.